Today is my wedding anniversary to my husband of 2 years. At the moment we are in two different countries, and when the clock strikes 12 noon, I am going to celebrate by popping my first Prozac in 8 years.
On March 13, 2010, I celebrated my marriage in a lovely old manor house in the English countryside. The weather was lovely, chilly but crisp. Blue skies with sheep meh-eh-eh-ehing in the background. Everyone was dressed up, the flowers my friend created were beautiful. The 5 tier wedding cake I handmade for weeks came out perfect. It should have been perfect, it was perfect, apart from the way I was feeling. Words such as foggy and numb comes to mind. I can hardly remember anything from the moment I walked down the aisle. It's almost like my mind had switched to a different schizophrenic personality and I had woken up from all of it not knowing what happened.
I thought it was just wedding jitters but looking back, my personality 1 must have been screaming "Noooo, don't do it!". Well, I did and here I am popping anti-depressants while reading over and over again the (lack of) email from my husband titled "Happy Anniversary" wondering where the contents of the email, words such as I love you, you're the best thing that ever came in to my life, sappy cliche of sentences I used to get on a daily basis, had gone. There wasn't even a "Love from your husband xoxo"...We have not spoken in 2 weeks.
Mind you, I'm not the only one I know who needs to support the big pharma's billion dollar industry. My best friend has been popping pills since her pregnancy. My other friend goes natural and gets stoned everyday. Another one does both. I'm sure there are many others out there who has tried everything, Prozac, Zoloft, Valium, you name it. However, as we all know popping pills only treats the symptoms but as long as we don't eliminate the cause, the problem will never go away.
I met this woman the other day who is going through a divorce because her husband of many years left her for another woman. She said "Women are so stupid, we just keep hoping." It's so sad, but so true as well. So, to the ladies everywhere who has decided to keep hoping when we know deep inside that things will not get better, I'd like to raise my cocktail of anti-depressants for a toast; to life long unhappiness and wishful thinking!
